autoretrato o piel vieja y lo que sobra de una manda cumplida
(self-portrait or old skin and remnants of a prayer answered)
Roman Susan at 1224 W Loyola Ave, Chicago IL
July 13 - August 3, 2019
Tell me about autoretrato o piel vieja y lo que sobra de una manda cumplida.
That project was my first solo project. I applied for Susan's open call as an exercise as part of a residency that I did at the Chicago Artists Coalition. They had me make a mock proposal, apply for it, and receive feedback from the opportunity representatives. I ended up selecting Roman Susan. I made a mock proposal and then Kristin came and gave feedback. This was just an exercise that I wasn't planning on actually applying; I was being pretty experimental with my proposal because I didn't think I was actually going to like submitting it. After Kristin gave feedback, I revised my proposal and submitted it a little bit after the deadline.
Roman Susan has this really interesting, inside/outside space. It has these really large windows. For my purpose, I was thinking of taking the space and recreating my grandmother's garden.
I've been collecting plants for a while now, successfully since 2012. For this exhibition, I wanted these images that I took from my first trip back to Mexico, since like I was like six when my family left. It's an interesting experience, I took a film camera- medium format, I took a 35 millimeter camera, and a digital camera, a little instax, and then I took phone pictures. I was like very adamant to capture these memories. I was like, what if my memory card gets corrupted? So I took film. What if the film doesn't develop? I would take phone pictures.
The proposal was to create an exhibition that references my experiences in Mexico and to re-creating my grandmother's garden.
When you were taking the photos in Mexico, what subjects or qualities were you focused on?
For the most part, it was things that I felt drawn to, memories that I wanted to bring back for family members. My family members weren't able to go back. It was a lot of capturing those moments- recreating memories.
There’s a self-portrait underneath my grandmother's lime tree, which recalls my memories of growing up in her garden and playing underneath her lime tree. There are multiple portraits of my maternal grandmother, with whom I spent most of my time. I took images of her to bring back to my mom and aunt. I took images of my great-grandmother, my great-grandfather, images of my grandfather's grave at the cemetery to bring back my father.
These moments that I wanted to capture to bring back to family members. That was the main focus. I think of my work as an extension of the family photo album. My main audience is always my family.
How did you approach exhibition design with Roman Susan’s unique floor plan?
I come from a photo background. When I've displayed artwork, it's usually a piece that's framed or a piece that's mounted and displayed on the wall, very standard. I went through Roman Susan’s archive, and I saw how artists had transformed the space. I displayed the images to reference how I've seen images displayed in my family home – never a photograph that is 60 inches from the center. It is a photograph, another photograph, next to this random thing, next to this thing. It becomes a history of the person and the family's life. Somebody described this as constellations. I was playing with the images, which I really enjoyed. The really large prints are medium format; I thought of those as windows. The smaller framed images, the digital images, and the Instax, referenced the aesthetics of homemaking; how people in my family built spaces of belonging.
For the longest time, I used to think a lot about belonging, who doesn't belong and who belongs. It shifted to thinking about how people are despite all these circumstances that they may be going through. These structures or systems that are inherently violent and telling them that they don't belong; othering them. How are people still building these spaces of belonging? I didn't have this language back then, but I do have it now. I'm referencing like Bell Hooks' essay called “Homeplace (A Site of Resistance)” where she talks about Black women and their labor. Creating spaces for Black people to exist outside white supremacy and racism. That was always seen as a part of their domestic duty. It wasn't seen as a radical act.
I'm thinking about that and shifting to immigrant families and other communities. People have to build these spaces for themselves. The space is referencing the home. It's referenced in the garden. I'm also thinking about the Garden of Eden, ideas of heaven. Who gets to go to heaven? Who doesn't get to go to heaven? Why can't we just build our own heaven? When I incorporate the idea of the garden, it references ideas of heaven, which is also related to Mexico and the colonization of Mexico. The Nahuatl and other groups in Mexico also had this idea of a flowerly afterlife. It kind of correlates to Christianity's idea of the Garden of Eden. They played on those similarities to kind of get them to convert and assimilate.
Three of the photographs are self-portraits. It's a self-portrait of me underneath the lime tree, there is a self-portrait of me lying on my
grandmother's bed, and then there's a self-portrait of myself, which became the title of the exhibition, autoretrato o piel vieja y lo que sobra de una manda cumplida (self-portrait or old skin and remnants of a prayer answered).
Where does this project sit in the greater context of your art practice?
I was reflecting on this recently. I was a part of a panel where somebody asked, How is Chicago present in your work? I think Chicago is present in my work because, through the opportunities that I've had – that exhibition at Roman Susan – pushed me to expand my practice.
I had only been living in Chicago for not even a year at the time. My practice prior to that had been mostly photo-based. It really shifted the ways in which I viewed my work. Before the show, I was like, Who's going to want to see a photo of my grandma? Who's going to want to see a photo of my parents? My mom? My work is like an extension of my family's photo album. How is it going to be perceived? What will people's reaction to it be? After that, most of my exhibitions, my installations also reference the home. I do smaller-scale installations where I'll paint the wall and do a smaller constellation or a smaller grouping of photographs.
I'll still incorporate plants in different ways and different aesthetics. I think a lot of the elements that I began or first did at Roman Susan are continuing now. My second solo project was at Tiger Strikes Asteroid, it was a bigger space and I was able to divide the space into what I thought of as a “living room”, towards the back was the “backyard” or the “garden.” I was thinking of the garden as an altar.
When I was in Mexico, I also took short videos on my phone. The videos were displayed on the phone at Roman Susan. The videos of my great-grandmother, someone whom I didn't get to know well. When I met her, it was a really interesting interaction. It's something I still cling to. I've produced more work out of that interaction. She was very joyful and very happy. I wish I had known this person. I was reflecting: I should set up an altar for her. What is an altar? Maybe it's like a candle. Maybe it's a photograph of the person who passed away. Maybe it's flowers. At the time, I was looking at my apartment with all my plants. I was like, is this an altar?
In my second solo project, I thought of the garden as an altar. A place to convene with both the dead and the living. The third solo project that I had was even more space, I had the living room, the bedroom, the garden, and the terrace.
Roman Susan was the catalyst for that. I don't know if I would have had the show at Roman Susan, but I don't know if I would have my practice where it is today.
What role do you see Roman Susan playing in Chicago?
In addition to supporting artists, it's very specific. A very big chunk of the exhibitions that exist at Roman Susan could only exist in a few spaces in the city. I think a lot of other spaces have felt inaccessible. Maybe they’d look at your resume a little bit more and be like, can you pull it off? Have they had other projects?
Alot of people that I’ve spoken to have had solo projects or just projects at Roman Susan. They talk about it being a shift in their practice. I always like to think of this quote that I was introduced to by a friend in college by Audre Lorde, “We must recognize and nurture the creative parts of each other without always understanding what will be created.” Roman Susan embodies that.
Other artist histories: hiba ali // Tallulah Cartalucca // Julietta Cheung // Kandis Friesen // Steven Husby // Kevin Norris // Ruby Que // Olive Stefanski // Chiffon Thomas // Gwyneth Zeleny Anderson